The Cro Flies in; Briere Flies South

Wednesday September 12 8:00 PM

Warren Cromartie aka "Chief Running Mouth" has been in Montreal all week...in studio with me everyday at three...what a treat...Cro deserves a lot of credit for trying to revive the Expos fantasy camp....Mike Stenhouse ran it from 1993-1997....I was fortunate enough to be a part of all of them....winning the Cy Young award in year one....the entire experience was an absolute joy....if you've always wanted to check one out it looks like you'll be able to do so this january....Cro and his friends (including Stenhouse) are THIS close to finalizing plans....please stay tuned to The Team 990 for a chance to win a coveted spot to the camp...in the meantime, if you have any questions at all send Cro an email at warrencromartie49@yahoo.com

This just in: Daniele Briere says he didn't sign with the Canadiens because there are too many french people in Montreal while player agent Bob Perno says Saku Koivu is a "cancer" in the room....

Quite a start to the NFl season, huh? Randy Moss and Terrell Owens combine for 15 receptions for 270 yards (that's 18 yards a catch) and 3 td's..wonder what Keyshawn Johnson was thinking?...Shaun Alexander (105 yrds rushing) serves notice that he's healthy while LaDainien Tomlinson shows-again-that he can beat you in more ways than any other player in the league with 7 receptions and an all-important TD pass in a tight win over the Bears....LT's Passing rating for the day-158.3....passing rating for his career (8-11 with 7 TD's)-154.4'...I know the Chargers are a strong pick by many to win the AFC but really, unless Peyton Manning tears up his knee or Bill Belichick joins the CIA can you really see a team coached by Norv Turner get past Belichick or Tony Dungy?...Personally I'm rooting for Manning, hoping to see Peyton win again while Eli at least comes close...Eli will do his part but it looks like he'll need help from a few retired Giants not named Tiki Barber...(Everson Walls, Pepper Martin, Lawrence Taylor...)..I'm also rooting for Brett Favre, Carson Palmer, Donovan McNabb, J.P. Losman and the New Orleans Saints...Losman? Check out final item in Peter King's column last week:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/writers/peter_king/09/04/letters/2.html

Now, more than ever, we need more stories like the one about Losman. Which naturally brings us to Michael Vick and our leading contender for e-mail of the year:

Subject: Vick goin bye bye
Mitch;
Last Friday I returned from an extended sabbatical as a guest of the New York State Department of Corrections in beautiful downtown Altona N.Y. Fortunately Altona is close enough to the border that 990 comes in loud and clear. On Tuesday the 14th, all of cell block "C" rejoiced to here the news that Andie Bennett loves her "Bangs," there are now 8 guys willing to accommodate her as soon as they're paroled. Except for "Little Guido" who wants to give Rod Francis a pedicure and facial. With what I've learned I feel qualified to give Michael Vick some free advice for his up coming hiatus. The top ten pearls of wisdom:

10. Start smoking, cigarettes are like money.
9. Never call a screw a "screw".
8. Devout Muslims and Orthodox Jews eat better.
7. If offered a "Milkbone" decline.
6. Those women who look like Cher, Liza Minelli and Madonna are not.
5. Cock fighting isn't what you think it is.
4. "The Longest Yard" is just a movie.
3. Avoid prison rodeos, especially "bareback riding".
2. Learn to "moonwalk" in the shower.
1. Don't forget to set your TiVo before you leave.


R.K. Kahnawake (via Altona)

This just in: Daniele Briere says he signed with the Flyers instead of the Habs because he prefers hoagies to smoked meat...must be Koivu's fault...an unnamed agent claims Koivu had no intention of ever taking Briere to Schwartz's...